And I’d Be Lying

Not much to say. I just have to write. Enjoy.

And I’d Be Lying

I walk in the door with a smile on my face after a successful night out. I didn’t think about you once. There were some ups and downs, though. But mainly ups.

It was like an out-of-body experience, doing what I did that night. I met some really crazy people. Saw some people I didn’t want to see, but I didn’t let it bother me. I didn’t want to see them because they remind me of my past. I try as hard as I can to avoid the past. The past has never been good to me. I’ve gone through a lot of shit, just like you. We handle it differently, and that’s fine. You have your way and I have mine. Who am I to judge? I know you feel the same, even though you and I know I’m reckless. I drink too much. Not as much as some people, but more than I should, nonetheless.

Don’t let me get distracted.  When I was with her, you weren’t even on my mind. I looked in her eyes and saw her. She looked in mine and knew right away I was bullshitting her. She’s perfect. Already knows me better than I know myself. Or maybe she just knows what the game is all about. Either way, I was happy. It only lasted a couple minutes, but that still counts in my book. Too bad I let her walk away. Next time.

I don’t miss you. It’s weird, slightly empowering. Can you understand where I’m coming from? You don’t have to. After all, this isn’t necessarily about you. I go home from a night out, knowing I can be with anyone. You’re not special; don’t flatter yourself. Well, that’s a lie. I did care–at one point. But I slept with one eye open, so to speak. There were signs that I picked up on almost immediately. I had an idea something like this would happen. I told myself I wouldn’t let it bother me like the last few times.

I was ready. That’s why I was ready to move on so fast. I’m sure it made me look like an ass, but I don’t care. My heart’s been broken plenty of times. The more it happens, the easier it becomes. At first you were someone special, but now you’re no different from all the others. You should feel happy though. I wished them all the best, and that’s the truth. It took all my strength and will power to not break down on the spot, but I did it. I got good at it too. To the point where I believed that’s actually what I wanted: for them–and you–to go on and do big things in your life without me. I don’t make it easy.

Think about all that I’ve said: how I don’t miss you; how I don’t need you; how I don’t want you; how I can replace you; how I’m better now. I tell myself this every day, and I’d be lying.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. brittneysanzo says:

    That was so powerful, the whole post I am thinking, “Wow this guy is a jerk.” Haha. The ending really hit hard, good job Nick!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you! glad you enjoyed and heard me out!

      Liked by 1 person

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