When the Giant Spiders Take Over and Whatll’ya Have

You’re all in for a treat! One of my former classmates in my writing program submitted two poems for you all to read. His name is Rob Gunther and he’s an insanely talented fiction writer. I’m still trying to figure out how he manages to run marathons, work full-time, and write every day — all while raising two kids in Astoria, Queens.

When the Giant Spiders Take Over

By Rob Gunther

Once this all gets figured out
We’ll be fine
Once we take care of these giant spiders
There will be a lot more time for
Hanging out outside again
Once we figure out a way to
Clear the land of these giant spiderwebs
We’ll finally have a stake in this world again
Once we can clear out our once populated towns
From these giant spider egg sacks
That burst with thousands of baby giant spiders
Every time we think we’ve made some progress
Battling the giant spiders
Someone’s abandoned house turns out to have been
The perfect hiding spot for yet another
Giant spider egg sack
But they’ll run out of houses eventually
And we’ve got to make inroads on those
Anti-spider venom pills sooner or later
And then things can get back to normal

Whatll’ya Have?

By Rob Gunther

A man walks into a bar the
Bartender says what’llya have
The man says I’m not sure the bartender
Doesn’t say OK I’ll give you a minute he
Doesn’t walk away and give the man a menu he
Stands there and says well I can make you a cocktail
We’ve got cocktails I could make you one of those or I could
Grab you a beer we’ve got plenty of bottles back here and
Even more on tap lots of different types of draft each of them have
Different levels of carbon dioxide and some of them
Have nitrogen which makes the beer come out
Creamy and listen I could get you a glass of water
Or a Coke, if you don’t drink, the Coke comes
Out of the gun though, Coke, Sprite, ginger ale
It all tastes like it comes out of the gun
There’s a reason why it all tastes like that it’s
Because the tubes are impossible to clean out not like a
Regular fountain where you can take apart the back and
Really give the whole thing a once over but the
Gun doesn’t come apart easy there’s
Nothing that comes loose really and so it’s
Not a big deal if you mix it with rum because then it just
Tastes mostly like rum or Jack or whatever
There’s always a splash of Coke in a Long Island iced
Tea but we stopped serving those on account of
Our insurance company telling us customers were getting too
Drunk and then driving home and getting into all sorts of
Car accidents and the solution, we settled out of court by the way
Was that we couldn’t serve Long Island iced teas anymore
No settlement, no fines, go figure
I’ll have a Manhattan the man says
The bartender says sure thing
I don’t have the good bitters though
But my maraschino cherries are the real deal


Amazing right? It was, and still is, always a pleasure to read Rob’s work. I’m so thankful he reached out. If you guys have your own work to submit, please click the Submissions tab and see my guidelines. If you loved Rob’s poems as much as I did, let everyone know!

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